


Auditions

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Glee AU, glee club au, idk do I really need multiple glee tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-15
Updated: 2013-05-15
Packaged: 2017-12-11 21:59:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/803713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Karkat Vantas is Rachel Berry and nobody knows any good songs</p>
            </blockquote>





	Auditions

You are the star, it is you. Everyone else can piss off.

Seriously, you’re the only one of this bunch who is any good at singing. Nobody else here even likes singing. They’re all here for shitty reasons like making friends or getting something to put on their college applications or seducing Jake English. You’re here to kickstart your Broadway career, because fuck everything that isn’t fame and riches.

But you won’t have much luck with that as long as you’re stuck with this bunch. Not unless you get a nice, long solo. Luckily, a solo was worked into the set list. Unluckily, you have to compete for it. Well, you know you should get it, but Mr. Noir could still give it to someone of lesser worth.

That’s how you find yourself sitting there being better than everyone else in the glee club (as always), waiting for your turn to blow them all away (again). Three people besides you decided to audition, and the first is about to start. You’re confident that you can show them up by stepping outside of the box. They all have their signature things, everyone in the group does. Dirk is going to do something by some heartthrob pop star that all men think are homosexual, except Dirk will try to make it sound like actual music (because somehow that’s ironic). Sollux is going to sing a Feminist Anthem by a Strong Black Female because he thinks he sounds like the male Beyonce. Tavros is a bit of a wildcard, but he’s also a shitty singer so you don’t care.

It’s not long before Noir arrives, looking like he’d rather stab the four of you than listen to you sing. (You think if he’s really dreading it this much, he should just skip the formalities and give the solo to you, but you might as well prove that you’re superior to them.)

“Okay, sit down and shut up, we have auditions to get through,” he yells at the room (even though everyone was already seated and not too loud). You sit up straighter, ready to jump up to the front and sing your heart out if you’re called first.

Then Noir announces the order – Sollux, Dirk, you, and then Tavros. You exhale and slump back in your seat. You may as well get comfortable to watch the show.

Sollux, and Jade for some reason, make their way to the front of the room silently. Sollux pulls a couple of stools in front of the risers where everyone else is sitting as Jade fetches her guitar from the corner of the room. Well, that explains her presence at least. Of course the guy would want live accompaniment.

She takes a few seconds to tune and you drum your fingers (though your arms are crossed) impatiently. This is already getting boring. When the song starts, it’s slow and sweet, and you can tell it’s not going to get any more interesting.

That is, until you remember it’s Sollux that you’re watching. When he starts singing you recognize the song as Safe and Sound. He picked a fucking Taylor Swift song. God.

It’s so weird to hear him sing a sad song. It definitely doesn’t suit him. You’re pretty sure he blew it with this. You scan the room for reactions and try to see if anyone else is trying not to laugh. Surprisingly, people seem to be enjoying it. Not just Gamzee and Meulin either. (Seriously why the fuck did the deaf girl join a show choir.) John in particular looks like he might cry. It makes you want to gag.

Jesus. How bad does your taste have to be to like this performance? Jade’s awkward background singing isn’t helping much. It’s kind of cheating, in a way. You’re not getting backup singers, and you’re sure Dirk and Tavros aren’t either.

At least they had the sense to cut the outro short. It could’ve been worse, but it was still fucking terrible.

Dirk came next. And so did John. Oh god dammit, were you the only one who just stuck with a fucking CD? That would be fantastic, really, if you just looked basic as hell in front of everyone.

Oh, who cares, they all know they pale in comparison to you.

This pair didn’t take nearly as much time to prepare. John just kind of jumped right into his piano intro. You guess that was the plan, because Dirk doesn’t stop him or look surprised or anything.

Anyway, you can already tell this is going to be just another pretty little slow song. Probably a love song by the sounds of it. You don’t really recognize it, but –

No, hang on.

This is a fucking cover of Whistle.

Egbert is grinning like a loon at the piano, and you hear muffled laughter from a certain drunk chick in the corner. It looks like Dirk is looking at English, and sure enough the latter is blushing. God, no, there’s been enough Strider serenades in this club to last you a lifetime. If this wasn’t an audition, you’d put a stop to this trite bullshit.

_Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby_   
_Let me know_   
_Boy I'm gonna show you how to do it..._

**God you just want to gag when will this be over what did you do to deserve this.**

You facepalm. You can’t help it. Your face remains palmed until the end of the song.

When they’re finally done, everyone else claps. You just lift your head, and when you remember it’s your turn to perform you make your way to the front of the room.

As you set up, you try to clear your mind. You’re playing a character for this song. (It’s not from a musical, but it doesn’t fucking matter.)

You are no longer Karkat Vantas.

You are Electra Heart.

_Primadonna girl, yeah_   
_All I ever wanted was the world_   
_I can’t help that I need it all_   
_The primadonna life, the rise and fall_

You pretty much ignored everyone through the entire song. You’re pretty sure you’ve nailed the primadonna character as well as every single goddamn note. Not that it was so hard, but you feel accomplished by the end of it.

You ignore how the Striders look like they’re about to die laughing, and Porrim looks like an overly proud mother, and Kankri looks like a severely disappointed father. You just strut past them and take your seat.

Last, there’s Tavros. Thank fuck he’s the last one, because you don’t know if you can sit through much more crap.

Like you, he brought a CD instead of forcing one of his club mates to play for him like an asshole. Even though all that’s on the CD is a string quartet. You wonder if Lalonde is insulted or relieved that she doesn’t have to play Eleanor Rigby for this kid.

And as expected, he’s shaking so badly that he can barely sing. You tune him out. He’ll be less embarrassed if he knows fewer people are listening anyway. (That’s how low self-esteem works, right? Eh, you don’t care.)

Instead you look around the room again. Deaf cat girl still looks pretty happy. You expect the Scourges in their little cheerleading uniforms to be hiding laughter, but they aren’t. Vriska even looks like she’s trying to be encouraging or some shit.

Gag.

You keep on not listening until the end. The guy looks pleased with himself, so maybe he at least stopped shaking? Whatever.

The room is silent for about half a minute before Noir looks up from whatever he’d been writing. “Oh, is it over yet?” A bunch of people say yes, and you roll your eyes. You can’t be the only one that’s rolling your eyes right now.

“Alright, the solo is going to be a quartet, we’re done here,” he drawls, gathering his stuff as quickly as he can.

Wait, what?

“Fuck no!”

Everyone turns to look at you, except the person you’re talking to. “Fuck yes,” is his only response, and he’s out of the room before you can say anything else.

God fucking dammit.

**Author's Note:**

> Ayo  
> that cover of Whistle actually exists but I cba to find it  
> and Karkat sang Primadonna by Marina and the Diamonds, if you didn't recognize the song


End file.
